What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 04:22
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What is unattractive about a nice guy? Why do some women don’t choose nice guys?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What does it mean to live "the 'underconsumption' life"?
I don,t even have a pension.
I was scared of men, in general
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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(And it was in our own minds.)
He knew the spot.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why do some straight men enjoy wearing women's lingerie?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is the worst thing your sibling has done?
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She loved him until the end.
What should I do if I love a girl and she apparently doesn't love me?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She married twice! .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would this be the day?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My family never makes their pension either.
She found it foreign!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were not on the streets..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We all went to grammer schools
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So whats the point in blame.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I will be 64.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it wasn’t much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
All the time i was locked up.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What did i know ?
I was very sick at this time too.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
I said to her
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
But, we were locked up after school.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im still living with it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I write beautiful poetry .
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?